


as it grows cold here

by arya_B



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Brother/Sister Incest, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Memories, F/M, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-21 11:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6050404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arya_B/pseuds/arya_B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A two part fic about Arthur and Morgana’s last thoughts. As they both lay dying, there is a whole life to be remembered - or imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remember

Remember when we were kids Arthur? We'd play fairy tales all the time. Come-into-my-castle, or save-the-maiden, or break-the-witch's-curse. You would choose to be the knight, of course. Except for the times I would absolutely not play if you weren’t the maiden. It wasn't even because I wanted to be the knight, it was just to spite you. That was the most fun part.

I never had the vocation to be the hero, after all.

Remember the first time we kissed? You were fourteen, I had turned sixteen the night before. You were always bragging about your romantic adventures, but you were so nervous and fidgeting it seemed it was your first kiss. You asked if it was mine. I never answered.

It was. And you never knew.

Sometimes, many years later, when I was supposed to hate you, I'd still think about that kiss. About the wind, smelling of grass and rosemary, and you tasting of basil and wine. About the exhilaration, my heart racing, you warm hands around me. It was almost a play kiss, a bet, and now I hate you so much.

(I don't, by the way. I never hated you, but how to even explain that? I heard your knights saying I do. I heard Mordred saying it. It's probably because I supposed to. Because all I did lately was to prove how much I hated you. But the idea of Morgana hating Arthur. Doesn't that sound ridiculous to you?)

Remember when you choose your father over me? It was obvious you would do that, but still, it caught me by surprise. I was so scared, and felt completely alone. For the first time, without you. Later, when I lost Merlin, Gwen and Morgause, it wasn't the same, because for a long time, they weren't there, but you always were, so losing you was like losing a bit of myself, to be honest.

Remember the first time I beat you at swords? Of course not. You like to think you were the one who beat me. It's okay, Arthur. You would be the better swordsman eventually. That was, after all, your destiny. Merlin won, even though you're gone. The dragon won. I suppose he was the villain of my story, and I wasn't a good enough of a heroin. I lost, but I still beat you. Yet all I can taste is blood.

The last thing I see are your eyes, and I like to think the last thing you'll see are mine. It would be pretty, wouldn't it? It'd be tragic. Same as us.

The first thing I saw in Camelot were your eyes. Anxious, expecting me outside my carriage. I thought I was finally coming home, and I found home. Not Camelot, Camelot was never home to me. But you were home, and you'll always be home and now I'm dying, and you're dying, and death is the only thing Pendragons were ever good at. I never believed in any prophecy.

We'll die, as we lived. Fighting.

I miss you as it grows cold here, Arthur. You're still the little boy from that day on the carriage. Morgana hating Arthur is a ridiculous thought.

We'll have peace, I guess.

Remember peace, Arthur?


	2. Imagine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think of us when we were children, you were so kind. My best friend, my troubadour's love. And we were just and brave and I thought that could save us. How naive of me, isn't it?
> 
> You would’ve said "yes".

The last thing I see, Morgana, are your eyes.

There’s something else. Merlin and the dragon. An unfulfilled prophecy and the kingdom to come. But when they carried me away from your dying body, I was dead too.

I close my eyes and I see you. I see us, imagining fairy tales. That was our favorite game as children, wasn’t it? The games, the heroes. Happy endings.

I think of us when we were children, you were so kind. My best friend, my troubadour's love. And we were just and brave and I thought that could save us. How naive of me, isn't it?

You would’ve said "yes".

I wish my last moments weren't marked with regrets, but they are. Why I chose Uther, why you chose silence. I know it seemed I'd never stay by your side if I knew about your magic. But I would Morgana, by god, I would follow you to the flames of hell. Which was maybe where you wanted me. But it took me so long to give up on you, Morgana. Please, please, understand that. You were already gone and I thought I could bring you back. I thought I could save you. Can you imagine if I did? Can you imagine you and me together, how it always was, how it was really meant to be?

I love Gwen, I really did, and that's what's most unfair. I loved her so much that I fooled myself into thinking I could love you any less. When you were wrecking and burning and it wouldn't be good for the king to love you at all, I still did. I always did. I always will.

I should've known you had magic, Morgana, because you used to fill my world with enchantment. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just imagined you in my head. You escape me, you're like a fairy creature, a wisp. Something I dreamed it would made me whole.

(Yet nothing I can remember now feels as real as your kiss. So few of those we had. We deserved more.)

Now my kingdom is nothing but ashes, even if the dragon said it will be golden. We should just imagine one anew, don’t you think? Like the wild and pure children we were. Our made up castles growing great. A kingdom built with the fairness you once had. I can’t believe Merlin actually thought there was any way I could have built Albion without you.

Our kingdom would be free, Morgana. Free of lies, of the need to hide beautiful things in the shadows, out of  fear. Can you imagine such a kingdom? I can, when I see it through your eyes.

Perhaps, Morgana, I'm only losing my mind. But I can see our future written in our past. Isn't it crazy?

Can you imagine, Morgana? I think we might have even been happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll never stop believing in ArMor #TheyDeservedBetter2k16. Reviews are always welcome!


End file.
